I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
