I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
