32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
