So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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