He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
