I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
