We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
