i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
