We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
