Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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