It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
