Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
