I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
