I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
