dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
