it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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