So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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