Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
