so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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