How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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