what day is it and did you see me today?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
