I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
