it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
