haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
