Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
