Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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