how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need water and some morals
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
God, I missed his penis.
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