Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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