Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
