Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
