Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
