Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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