I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
