what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
