I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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