Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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