i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
