What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
