I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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