You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we have pet lesbian snakes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hippo gnu deer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
