Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
