Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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