Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
