Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
