hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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