no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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