just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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