My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
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