R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
two words...techno handjob
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
