Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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