i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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