Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
