it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
