please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
