the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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