I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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