i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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