I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
