Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
