I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize