Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell her she can't have a vagina
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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