No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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