i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
