Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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