Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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