It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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