I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
